Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize