who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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