I didn't shave. On purpose
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
