I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
