what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
