Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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