I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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