Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
