I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
