That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
