Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
