I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
