Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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