Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
BRING THE BAGELS
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
