She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize