I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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