Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
