my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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