Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
