literally had 100 drinks last night.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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