there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
