He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Randomize
