guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
