no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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