is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
one might say we're banned from that church
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
