you're like a bully in the Christmas story
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
