She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
