just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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