wanna go halves on a baby?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
