Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she looked like the before picture.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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