How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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