I need help removing her.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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