remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
