when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
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She told me I should be a condom model.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
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I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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