so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
