Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize