how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
