I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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