I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
