You work out of a Hotel?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
