I look better un-naked...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
