: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
