I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
