i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
