i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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