Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
