I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
