That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
