I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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