i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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