i think my tv is drunk
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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