She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
