I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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