Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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