mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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