me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
