Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
