college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
