I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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