I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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