I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
