I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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