matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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