I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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