My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm just crazy horny about you
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
